there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
