Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize