i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
