i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
