I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
