be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
