I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
