Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
