Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
