Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
