Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
