we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
