So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
