I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
