dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
