I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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