another moral hangover. fuck.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
