mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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