Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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