oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
