im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
