"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
