Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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