3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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