Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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