Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
