Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They took my balls.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
