So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
