apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
