So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Randomize
