I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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