i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
