There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
