at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
