Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize