is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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