There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
