hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
