I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
