if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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