so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize