Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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