am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
