I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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