He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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