And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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