I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
