i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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