Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize