So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize