I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You can't special order awesome
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
