Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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