Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
