Welp...herpes.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
