Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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