Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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