Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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