Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
