Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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