U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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