Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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