i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
