I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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