my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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