I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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