i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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